I'm sure the people who follow this blog have wondered about the lack of updates, or really anything substantial on my part for the better part of a month, and I thought it a good time to step in and say a few things.
I'll be upfront in saying that right now I'm really, really frustrated at how things have gone for me in a literary sense for the past few months. It's not because of something someone did, but more along the lines of something no one seems to be doing, and that's buying my books. I've sold less than ten copies across all three titles in the past two months. Half of those sales belong to The Plan, which is kind of odd to me because it's available for Free at Smashwords. But The Plan is, and pretty much always will be, something of an afterthought. I put my best effort into it, didn't make the cut at the Red Adept Reviews contest, and since I know it's pretty good, I put it out there. My focus remains on The Eternal War, and that's where the frustration comes from.
I think I could live with the fact that people weren't buying it if it sucked. However, I have well over thirty independent confirmations that it doesn't suck. I have people who can't wait for the follow up. And yet, despite this, The Eternal War seems to be having a problem gaining an audience. Konrath talks about needing a bit of luck to take off, or that it takes a while for something to find an audience. Intellectually I understand this, but emotionally I find myself unable to accept it. This book is good, damnit! But it seems hardly anyone cares.
I think that's part of the reason why my writing took a dive around the start of my vacation last month. Another part was burnout, that was my first staycation in a long time, and despite my best intentions, I just couldn't bring myself to keep writing all the way through it. Instead I dove into a couple of games, and I've been using my free time almost exclusively in that regard since then, whereas before I would moderate my gaming with writing. However, a part of me wondered what the point was. Why should I write if no one was going to read it? Call the last three weeks my rebellion against doing something without the promise of fulfillment from outside myself.
Now, for those begging me to back away from the edge on this, I'm not saying that I've decided to stop writing. I have too many story ideas in my head to do that, and despite the low number of people who do enjoy what I've written, the mere fact that I do have fans means I can't just walk away. Not anymore. I have people counting on me to finish Bitter Nights so that they can enjoy the next adventures of Cheryl and the people around her. And not only this book, but the ones coming after, the twists, the turns, the surprises, and the eventual moment that will result in people wanting to find me and scream, "Why!" in response to something I plan on doing down the road. This is something I want to do, and I am happy to do it.
Sometimes, the motivation won't be there. And it hasn't been. But it's coming back. I wrote today, something I haven't done in three weeks. I'm getting into the meat of BN, and I'm looking forward to bringing everything to a sound conclusion. Call this me getting back to work. Pity Party over, it's time to buckle down and give my fans a reason to shout my name from the rooftops.